


She's Not Afraid

by lickmyskins



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a One Direction Song, F/F, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 05:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7422517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lickmyskins/pseuds/lickmyskins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"How could a girl who laughs at horror movies be so afraid of something like falling in love?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	She's Not Afraid

_She sneaks out in the middle of the night, yeah_  
_Tight dress with the top cut low_  
_She's addicted to the feeling of letting go_  
_Let it go_

By now this was a regular thing for Camila to do on a Friday night. Lauren calls her up and tells her about some party that they just have to go to, even though Lauren is always grounded. And Camila will drive to her house anyway and watch as Lauren steps out of her bedroom window onto the roof and shimmies down the drain pipe. Camila has no idea how she manages to do that in heels, but the thought escapes her when she sees Lauren’s tight black dress that’s cut way too low and Camila can’t help but stare. 

Lauren hops into the passenger seat of Camila’s old blue pick-up truck and says, “Hi, Camz,” with that same stupid smile that always lets her know that Lauren is ready to let go. And Camila swears she’s a goner, just like every Friday night. 

_She walks in and the room just lights up_  
_But she don't want anyone to know_  
_That I'm the only one that gets to take her home_  
_Take her home_

As soon as they enter the party every eye in the room is on them, but Camila knows that they aren’t looking at her. Their eyes are only reserved for Lauren, as always. She just has that effect on people. Camila doesn’t blame them. 

Lauren makes a beeline for the kitchen to grab drinks and Camila just sighs because this means that Lauren’s party routine has begun. She returns with two cups and hands one to Camila, even though she knows Camila can’t drink because she’s always the designated driver. Camila thanks her anyway and Lauren smiles at her as she surveys the room around them, no doubt looking for someone to occupy her time tonight.

“Hey Camz, I’ll find you later on. I think I’m going to go ask Jake if he wants to dance.”

“Sure, Lauren,” is all Camila manages to get out because Lauren is already walking across the room to where the boy stands with all his friends. 

Camila is used to this. Lauren will spend her time with whoever she deems worthy that night, and Camila hates it. But, maybe what she hates even more than that is the fact that every time, no matter how much fun Lauren has had with the person she chooses, she will ask Camila to take her home.

_But every time I tell her that I want more_  
_She closes the door_

Camila spends her time at the party talking with her friend Dinah. And just when she’s about to crack another joke that will no doubt have Dinah laughing at her just because it’s not funny, she feels a tap on her shoulder. Camila turns and sees Lauren standing there, looking a lot more drunk than she was an hour earlier.

“I’m ready to go home now,” she says with a slur.

“Ok, let me just say goodbye to Dinah first.”

Camila turns and sees Dinah studying them curiously. Before Camila can ask her what she’s staring at Dinah speaks up, “I’ll see you tomorrow Mila. Be careful tonight.”

Camila furrows her eyebrows at that. What does that even mean? Why would Dinah tell her to be careful? Camila can’t think about it for long because Lauren drags her impatiently through the party and down the street to her car. 

Once they get in, Camila starts the engine and drives in the direction of Lauren’s house. Lauren reaches out to turn on the radio and starts to hum softly as Camila thinks about what she’s dying to ask her. It’s something that’s been on her mind for a while now, but she’s always been too scared to ask because she doesn't know what Lauren will say. Maybe it’s because Dinah told her to be careful that now she feels like doing the exact opposite, but she ends up asking her.

“Lauren?”

“Yeah?”

“How come you never go home with the person you’re with at the party? How come you didn’t go home with Jake tonight?”

“What do you mean, Camz? I always go home with you. It’s always been like that,” Lauren waves her hand dismissively and continues to hum along to the music.

“I know that, but like, don’t you want to go home with them? I mean, you always seem to have a good time with them,” Camila says, her voice laced with insecurity.

“No. I want to go home with you Camila.”

Lauren’s response was definitely better than she had been anticipating and Camila didn’t want to say anything else that would end up changing that response, so she kept her mouth shut. 

They were down the street from Lauren’s house now and Camila knew what would happen once they got inside. It’s the same thing that happens every time they get there. They’ll change into their pajamas and lay down on the bed and then Lauren will kiss her. Camila doesn’t know what to think about it, because she’s pretty much been in love with Lauren for as long as she’s known her, but she has no idea if it means anything to the other girl.

And since Camila was already on a roll with the whole not being careful thing, she musters up enough courage to ask Lauren a question. After they were done making out and right as Lauren looked like she was going to fall asleep. 

“Lauren, what does this mean?”

“What are you talking about?”

“What are we doing? Because this means something to me, and I want to know if it means something to you too.”

“We have fun. We both enjoy it. Just drop it, Camila.”

Lauren then turns away from her and pulls the covers almost fully over her head, which lets Camila know that she’s done with the conversation. That’s how Lauren is, the second things get too vulnerable, she puts her walls up, she closes the door.

Camila doesn’t think she’s ever felt so heartbroken before.

_She's not afraid of all the attention_  
_She's not afraid of running wild_  
_How come she's so afraid of fallin' in love_  
_She's not afraid of scary movies_  
_She likes the way we kiss in the dark_  
_But she's so afraid of fa-fa-fallin' in love_

It’s a couple of weeks since that party, and the routine has not changed. Camila has continued letting Lauren kiss her because she’s selfish and she can’t get enough of Lauren. So even though it hurts, she lets it keep happening.

Right now the two of them are sitting in Camila’s basement on a Wednesday night about to have a movie marathon consisting of Lauren’s choice which was predictably, _Nightmare On Elm Street_ , and Camila’s choice which was also predictably, _The Notebook_. Camila hates horror movies and Lauren knows that, but Lauren insists on making her watch them because she likes that they get to cuddle during the movie. Camila, of course, tells her that they can cuddle during any movie, not just the horror ones, but Lauren just shrugs and says it isn’t the same. 

So there they were, watching the horror movie first, and Camila has her head buried in Lauren’s neck because she refuses to even look at the screen while Lauren just laughs every time something scary happens. Camila doesn’t understand how Lauren isn’t afraid of these kinds of movies, or how she has the audacity to think that they’re funny, but Camila never bothers to bring it up because she likes the way Lauren’s arm protectively curls around her waist each time something makes her jump out of her skin.

Camila is actually on the verge falling asleep when Lauren’s voice startles her awake, “Hey the movies over. Ready for _The Notebook_?” 

This instantly wakes Camila up, because love stories always give her a burst of energy she can’t explain. Maybe she’s a hopeless romantic, who can blame her? Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams have a way of making anyone that watches the movie believe in love. Well, everybody except for Lauren.

They’re at the part of the movie where the infamous kiss in the rain happens. Camila is crying slightly, but has a huge smile on her face anyway because it’s just so beautiful. That is until Lauren voices her opinion on the scene.

“God, this is so dramatic. I don’t get what the big deal is. Love sounds like a real hassle if you ask me.”

“You mean you don’t want to fall in love?” 

“Nope. Never have and never will.”

“Why not?”

“Because it never works out, does it? All love does is get your hopes up, only for you to be let down in the end.”

Camila’s heart sinks into her stomach. How could a girl who laughs at horror movies be so afraid of something like falling in love?

_Maybe she's just trying to test me_  
_Wanna see how hard I'm gonna work_  
_Wanna see if I can really tell how much she's worth_  
_What you're worth_

Sometimes Camila wonders if Lauren is only afraid of love because she hasn’t found someone to make her believe yet. That’s why she tries with everything in her to show her that it’s possible. Camila thinks that maybe, just maybe, Lauren has been waiting for Camila to prove it to her all along. To prove that they could be something real. 

And Camila almost believes it too, until one Friday night when Lauren doesn’t go home with her. She goes home with some girl who Camila can’t even remember the name of and didn’t even think to let her know. Camila loses hope. She starts to think that maybe, just maybe, Lauren just likes to play with her heart.

_Or maybe all her friends have told her don't get closer_  
_He'll just break your heart_  
_But either way she's teasing me and it's just so hard_

It’s another Friday night about a month later, and instead of going to a party, her and Lauren are at Normani’s house with Dinah and Ally for a sleepover. Normani has just broken up with her boyfriend and has demanded a girl’s night to help get her mind off of it. 

Camila is actually having a really good time, and is even able to forget about her feelings for Lauren for a while. The girls have a good time together and it helps Camila get her mind off of things as well.

“You know what sucks most about this break-up? I really think I was in love with him,” Normani says while they’re eating pizza in her dining room.

“Awe, I’m sorry Mani. He’s an idiot for not seeing that. Don’t let this one heartbreak get you down, though. You’ll fall in love again,” Ally responds.

“Thanks, Ally. But, I don’t know, I feel like this ruined love for me. I’ve always been so excited to be in love for the first time and have that perfect relationship. But, I just feel like I wasted it on someone who only ended up hurting me. All he did was break my heart. I don’t want to go through that again. At least, not for a while.” 

Camila understood where Normani was coming from, she really did. She just wishes Normani didn’t say all of that in front of Lauren, because Camila can see the way Lauren is furiously nodding her head in agreement and how Lauren nervously glances in her direction. Camila hates that Normani just unknowingly added onto Lauren’s fear of love. She hates that Lauren let herself believe her.

Lauren, however, doesn’t let Normani’s speech get in the way when she presses Camila against the wall later on that night after all the other girls are asleep to kiss her senseless. Camila has no idea what to do anymore, because this just keeps hurting more and more every single time it happens.

_Cause every time I tell her how I feel_  
_She says it's not real_

Camila can’t take it anymore. She’s actually going insane buried underneath all her unspoken feelings for Lauren and she’s going to burst if she doesn’t tell her soon. That’s why one night when Lauren is taking things a little farther than usual by tearing off Camila’s shirt, she stops her. Lauren looks at her quizzically, but sits back anyway to let Camila gather her thoughts.

“Lauren, this is getting too hard for me. I know you know.”

“Know what, Camz?”

“Please don’t make me say it out loud and make a fool out of myself,” Camila whispers with a trembling voice.

“Say what, Camila?” Lauren raises her voice ever so slightly, clearly getting impatient with her.

“I'm in love with you.”

Lauren is quiet for a minute after the words leave her mouth and she just stares at the floor with an unreadable expression on her face. 

Camila is about to give up hope that she’ll respond at all, until she says, “No, you aren't.”

“What do you mean I'm not? Lauren, I know how I feel.”

“No you don’t, Camila! You’ve never dated anyone before, you don’t know what love is. You just think that this is.”

Camila gets up then with tears in her eyes and walks to the door. Before she leaves she turns back to her and says, “You’re wrong. I’m in love with you. I get it though, you don’t feel the same. I think we should take a break from this. I need some time before I’m ready to just be your friend again.”

_She's not afraid of all the attention_  
_She's not afraid of running wild_  
_How come she's so afraid of fallin' in love_  
_She's not afraid of scary movies_  
_She likes the way we kiss in the dark_  
_But she's so afraid of fa-fa-fallin' in love_

Camila doesn’t go home after her hopeless confession to Lauren. She drives straight to Dinah’s house and knocks anxiously at her front door. As soon as it opens and Camila sees Dinah’s worried face, she bursts into tears and throws herself into her arms. Dinah doesn’t say anything, she just holds her as she leads them upstairs to her bedroom and sits them down on her bed. Camila has no idea how long she cries for, but eventually she stops and she looks up at Dinah who is still rubbing circles on her back and tells her she’s ready to talk.

“Ok. Please, Mila. Tell me what’s wrong. I’m really worried about you.”

And so Camila tells her everything. She tells her about how her and Lauren have been hooking up for about 3 months. She tells her that Lauren is the one that kissed her first. She tells her about how she’s been in love with Lauren since they became friends. She even tells her about how she doesn’t understand how Lauren can love her stupid scary movies so much, but is terrified of the whole concept of love. Dinah listens to the whole thing and doesn’t speak until Camila is done with her story.

“Now you see why I told you to be careful. Don’t worry, Mila. Everyone has to face their fears eventually.”

_What about all the things we say_  
_Talking on the phone so late_  
_I can't let her get away from me_  
_But when I say that I can't do it no more_  
_She's back at my door_

She hasn’t spoken to Lauren in 2 weeks. She’s spent all her time with either Dinah or Ally. It’s not that she doesn’t want to spend time with Normani, it’s just that Lauren is almost always with her and when she tried to talk to her once when Lauren wasn’t around, all Normani could talk about was how she didn’t believe in love anymore and Camila just couldn’t stand to hear that.

Camila was at home watching tv, when she heard a knock at her door. She gets up to answer it, only to be faced with a nervous looking Lauren on the other side.

“Hi,” is all Lauren says.

“What do you want Lauren?”

“I came to apologize. I never meant to hurt you. I thought we were having fun. I didn’t realize you had these feelings for me.”

“C’mon Lauren. You must’ve known how I felt. I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember and I’m the least subtle person there is.”

“You’re wrong, I didn’t know.”

“Then what did you think all those late night phone conversations meant, where I would tell you things I didn’t tell anybody else? What did you think it meant when I told you what we were doing meant something to me? Why do you think I never stopped letting it happen, even after you broke my heart so many times? God dammit, Lauren, why did you kiss me first?” Camila didn’t even realize she was yelling at this point and she definitely didn’t realize she was crying.

“Because I didn’t think I would fall in love with you!” Lauren yelled back, “I thought that you were safe! I kissed you because I thought that I could feel something without it turning into love. And then when I realized that I had fallen in love with you, I was terrified because I didn’t want to stop! I was terrified because you were the one person that could hurt me and I didn’t want to let that happen.”

“Lauren, I-”

“No Camila, let me finish. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I swear, that’s never what I wanted to do. And I came here to tell you that I think I’m ready to try. I’m ready to try loving you and letting you love me back. If you’ll forgive me that is.”

“Of course I’ll forgive you.”

Lauren stared at Camila with wide eyes after she’d said that. Camila stepped forward. “I love you, Lauren. I’m not mad at you for being afraid. But, you’re still an idiot for not realizing,” she said with a grin.

Lauren laughed while her eyes filled with tears and put her hands on each of Camila’s cheeks. She pulled her head forward and pressed their lips together before slowly pulling away.

“I love you, too.”

_She's not afraid of all the attention_  
_She's not afraid of running wild_  
_How come she's so afraid of fallin' in love_  
_She not afraid of scary movies_  
_She likes the way we kiss in the dark_  
_But she's so afraid of fa-fa-fallin' in love_

Lauren still isn’t afraid of horror movies, and she definitely isn’t afraid of love anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I had this idea in my head for a while and was waiting for someone else to write a fic based off this song, but since no one ever did, I wrote it myself. Feedback would be much appreciated!
> 
> \- Sarah


End file.
